ABOUT THIS BLOG

when I came out as a lesbian two years ago, I did it with gusto: I cut off all my hair, eschewed skirts and heels and makeup (except for a bit of smeared black eyeliner on occasion), and stopped carrying a purse. as a result, I got a hot femme girlfriend, became really active as a lesbian activist, and lost my wallet three separate times when it slipped out of the back pocket of my low rise, baggy jeans.

I wouldn't say I was ever really "butch," because I think that's a very specific lesbian identity that I never fully adopted (I have lots to say about butch-ness, but I'll leave it at that for now). what I did feel like most of the time was in drag – and let me tell you, it was fun. I loved every minute of it.

but somewhere along the line it got old. I had broken up with my girlfriend and was starting to feel more and more like I was only ever trying to be something I wasn't, putting on a gender show for no one in particular and always being anxious about giving myself away. don't get me wrong, it was fun. and I would, and probably will, do it again someday. but after about a year, I was thinking about a favourite black skirt buried in the back of my closet and pondering growing my hair out and wandering involuntarily into the makeup section of the drugstore.

so, after a bunch of mental gymnastics necessary to convince myself that it didn't make me any less of a lesbian, I decided to go femme. now, "femme" is a very specific thing, too, which I also have a lot to say about. I think it's a lot (a lot) more than just pretty dresses and heels and makeup, but for now I'm just going to talk about that stuff because that was the first frontier for me in going femme.

"before I was a lesbian" I wouldn't really say I was particularly femme either, at least not consciously -- and to me, the consciousness of it is, partly, what makes femme. I was a girl. I wore a bit of makeup when I thought about it, rarely wore skirts, heels for special occasions, and had really long straight, plain hair. my femininity was just something I had, as a woman. like tits, though I never really thought much about those (my own, that is) either.

"after I became a lesbian" my femininity was a project. something I had thrown away and had to meticulously rediscover and reengineer. I had made myself something of a gender(less) blank canvas, and all of a sudden the endless options for personal style and gender seemed both positively thrilling and positively overwhelming. I had decided to "go femme" but I didn't, really, know what that meant. I didn't know what kind of femme I wanted to be, what kind of femininity I wanted to project to the world, what my relationship to masculinity would be. the first time I put on a skirt and heels again I felt like a drag queen -- but that was really fun too. and it also made me fully appreciate how it's all a sort of drag anyway. and most of all, it's all something that has to be learned and learned again.

this blog is about what I've learned in the last year or so– about gender, fashion, femininity, personal style, and femme – on my self-guided, mostly internet-based quest to become an expert in femme and to implement it on my own skin. it (will) include everything from basic basic how-tos like how to take care of your skin or how to walk in heels (femme for beginners!) to more intermediate levels like how to dress for your body shape, accessorize, and shop, and to advanced placement musings on personal style, femme qualities and gender expression. I might even post outfit photos if I'm feeling a tad vain.

this blog is not only for lesbians, of course: it's also for straight girls and trans people and boys and queens and butches and....... oh, and it's most certainly not a how-to guide for boyish or butchy dykes on "how to look like a lady" or how not to look like a lesbian or nonsense like that, mmmkay? I LOVE me some butches, let me tell you (mmm), and I have no desire to give them lipstick-wielding makeovers to snap them out of their gender dysphoria or anything like that. this is a discussion of gender expression in general and in relation to femininity in particular, and if that applies to you, great. if not, that's ok too!

about me: my name is laurel, and in addition to my obsessive gender, fashion and beauty project(s) I also do graduate studies forreals -- like, in a university. I study (shocker!) gender and queer theory. I also enjoy various forms of internet nerdery and media consumption, as well as dancing and fucking and road trips.

about the name: I picked the name bachelor femme because it implies that femme is an educational project (though I do realize of course that a "bachelor" is not a graduate degree, it just sounds better, dontyathink?) I also like it because the alternative way to read it is a bit genderfuck-y, in the sense of "bachelor(ette)."

xo laurel.