CONFESSIONS OF A SHOE FETISHIST

miss gala darling
it's true. I have a bit of a shoe fetish.

I think the steep slope of a fierce heel is seriously sexy – I know it will cause me immense amounts of pain. I know. but ohhh....

where I am in the world right now it's -40°C and there's like 4 feet of snow out there. sad but true: the only real shoes you can really manage to wear out of the house are big, clonking insulated boots. not without their charms but also not particularly sexy.

combine that with a growing obsession I'm having right now with karla's new stripper boots:


(doesn't she wear them so well there?)

...& today I'm writing a little ode to shoes as a bit of a gesture of longing and lust.

if you let them, shoes have a magical quality to totally make an outfit. really. think about it: I can throw on my favourite jeans and a well-worn t-shirt and it's just another jeansandtshirt deal. but throw on a pair of chuck tayors... or 5" platform heels, or red cowboy boots, or strappy electric blue sandals? well, now you've got something. or a little black dress with black pumps... or 18-hole doc martin laceups, or purple velvet ankle boots, or big green rain boots? imagine the possibilities!

shoes also have a way of saying "yes, I did this on purpose. aren't I fabulous?" unless they're particularly loud, shoes are usually the last thing most people see in your outfit when they look you from face to feet. you can be wearing the craziest, most original, or most questionable outfit ever, but if you're wearing a serious, well chosen pair of shoes, your curious observers can see you've put some thought into this get-up – you've got something going on here. if you're wearing any old shoes – a pair of uggs, a beat up pair of sandals, whatever – it's a lot harder to pull off that effect. (though I also have a fondness for outfits that are extremely well thought out paired with that old beat up pair of sandals... but I digress.)

I also feel like I can try out almost anything on top if I've got on a pair of shoes that say, loud and clear "this is the real me." I have a personal soft spot for boots of all kinds – cowboy boots! docs! ankle boots! knee-highs of all shapes and sizes! – as well as ridiculous, S&M-ish heels, and shoes in bright bold colours that make me feel good about otherwise wearing head to ankle black.

I love shoes that make you feel fabulous the second you put them on, shoes that have something to say. "look at me, look at the way I walk, I'm going somewhere, just you wait..."

the shoes you choose can dress up a casual outfit or dress down a formal one. shoes can take a regular outfit and add a hint of drama, daring, sexuality, defiance, kink... if you let them.

of course you can always hide them under your pant legs, too.

xo laurel.

HOW TO WALK IN HEELS

shoe porn from jak & jil
walking in heels is one of those shows of femme heroics that still always leaves me in awe. running for the subway in stilettos without breaking your legs (or face) or even looking mildly uncomfortable ought to be an olympic sport.

but before you can run, you have to walk. and before you can walk (or run!) in heels, you have to practice. what, you thought having a vagina meant that shit comes naturally? 'fraid not. or maybe you're terrified to put on a pair of heels, or traumatized by the last time you wore heels when you fell flat on your face in front of a roomful of people. ahem.

or maybe you can walk in heels, just not very well. if that's you, you wouldn't be alone. stand back on the sidewalk on the club strip of your city on a saturday night and watch the parade of heeled ladies stomp, clomp and wobble by. look only from the waist up – can you tell which ones are wearing heels? the one's who've got it down, on the other hand, will look effortless, relaxed and comfortable and will glide by.

OK now, just for fun, head to a drag club and just see if any of the drag queens are stomping or wobbling. probably not.

but if you don't have a drag queen friend to consult, here's a rough guide to walking in heels.

1. buy (or borrow or steal) a pair of heels
ok, you knew that already. not just any old pair of heels though. although you may love those patent leather strappy stiletto stripper shoes, these are not beginner heels, and if you can't stand (let alone walk) in them they might as well stay on the shelf. (dancing and stripping in those things should also be an olympic sport.) some heels are easier to walk in than others, and some heels are way, way easier to walk in than others. here are some high heel baby steps for you:

height: this is both the simplest and the most obvious one: the higher the shoe, the more potentially pain inducing it will be. it's not only about losing your balance though. what you really want to look at is the angle of the slope from toe to heel -- the more intense that angle, the more pressure and weight is going to be put on the ball of your foot. this is why a 5" platform with only a slight slope might be a lot more comfortable than a 3" pump.

type of shoe: boots are way easier to walk in than shoes and are a really good place to start if you've never worn heels before. by the same principle, shoes with an ankle strap are easier to walk in than shoes without one (and they're also always preferable for anything active, like dancing).

type of heel: the skinnier the heel, the more difficult it is. wedges are usually easiest, followed by chunky heels, then standard heels, and finally (gulp) stilettos (which are still uncharted territory for me).

2. put them on and stand up straight
for me, wearing heels is a constant reminder to be conscious of my posture. think about making yourself as tall as possible -- that's what heels are for anyway, right? (well, that and making your legs look fabulous.) throw your shoulders down and back and push out your chest. not in a playboy bunny kinda way (unless that's what you're going for, then by all means), more in a I'm-fabulous-and-confident kind of way. chin up, eyes forward. and you're ready to walk.

3. ok, now walk
heel first, then toe and put one foot in front of the other as if you're trying to walk a straight line. take shorter steps than you would in flats, and go slowly! you're not on a catwalk (unless you are, then by all means.)

4. shake it baby
you know in the winter when the sidewalks are all icy how everyone seems to stomp just a little bit? that's because no one's sure on their feet. the same goes for heels. you probably feel a little off balance, or like you could lose it at any moment, so you unconsciously tense up through the hips, ass and inner thighs. and hence, you stomp. instead, while you're walking, focus on relaxing all over but especially through the thighs and hips. when you do this, you'll notice that you shimmy a little -- sway, strut, shake that ass. don't curb it, that's what the heels are for!

5. practice!



troubleshooting

wobbly ankles: try to relax through the whole leg. if they're still wobbly, try a different shoe, like one with an ankle strap and/or a lower heel, or stick to heeled boots for a while.

blisters, callouses and foot pain: ok, it's going to happen. you knew it would. but that's ok, right? otherwise you'd just be wearing sensible shoes. the first line of defense against is to get the most comfortable heels you can find (there is such a thing) and to get a pair that fits. even then though, especially if you're wearing your heels all day, you may end up in some pain. there are some things you can do. dr. scholls makes these nifty gel pads you can slip in to the toes and heels of your shoes (and they're clear so they won't even show... especially not while you're wearing the shoes). these lessen the impact of your foot when you're walking which is good for every part of you. you can also get products like moleskin to treat blisters and prevent them. also: work in your shoes. wear them around the house (good practice, too) before you say, wear them to a six hour wedding (learned that one the hard way).

slippery soles: put a little bit of double sided tape on the soles of those things to get a bit more grip


they aren't for everyone, but I find that putting on a fabulous pair of heels can instantly transform me into a much more fabulous, confident version of myself. plus they instantly glam up any outfit, do wonders for your legs, and give you at least a few extra inches to work with.

now get out there and strut!